So this past weekend I was stuck inside and was not having a good weekend. Basically this stemmed from the fact that I was indoors taking my comprehensive exam. Bleh. Being so cooped up and forced to stare at that menacing little flashing line in word for HOURS was mind killing.
So today while I was running around getting things prepared for this summer camp Job Fair, I came up with a list of things that made me happy. Perhaps it's because I'm stuck doing things I really don't want to to. Kind of like Bilbo in the Hobbit....
Brand New unopened jars of peanut butter---Have you ever noticed how wonderful a brand new jar of peanut butter is? How it's so smooth across the top and still sealed tight. There are no mystery chunks in a new jar of peanut butter, no knife tracks. You are boldly going where no human has gone before, and it's all yours. If I could figure out how to eat out of a brand new jar of peaunut butter for the rest of my life I would. Damn if it isn't just too expensive and wasteful.
Fresh Baked bread--- THe smell of it...the feeling of warm squishy, fresh baked bread...the taste of it. Fresh baked bread practically melts on your tongue. It's homey and relaxing and if I were a more patient person, I'd bake bread all the time.
Chocolate--- Need I say more? CHocolate is a sure sign that there is a higher being and that they want us to be happy. Chocolate in any form is spectacular....and think about it, is there anything sexier than melty-chocolate eyes on a man? Eyes that you could just fall into? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Chocolate and peanut butter mixed together--- Come on, I could eat reeses cups, reeses cereal, reeses pie, reeses pieces and m&M's together all day every day for the rest of my life. When I die I hope I die fat and happy on the peanut butter and chocolate diet.
Buffalo--- Buffalo jerkey, buffallo steaks, buffalo burgers, buffalo sausage...I love it all. It's tasty and lean and it's red meat.
Being full--as if the previously mentioned items weren't enough to clue you in, I like to eat. I like being content and full. I've been trying to lose weight, but I always feel miserable. Then I go on some Peanut butter/chocolate bender and feel better for a while. Then I feel bad because I packed on the pounds like the tubby I was born to be.
Feeling pretty--- I think all girls like to feel pretty. It comes from watching all those damn disney movies and seeing the way Prince Charming always looks at the Princess. After DIsney movies, we migrated to chick flicks, and the leading man always looks at the leading lady that same way. A look that's somewhere between "wow, I can be struck blind right now and die a happy man." and "God Damn I get to go out with THAT tonight. Hot dog!" There might even be a little visual undressing involved in those looks and the sense that no matter how much time you spent getting dolled up, your man only wants you in your birthday suit, under the covers, ten minutes ago. Feeling pretty is an ego boost. FOr someone like me, who is entirely too tom boyish, careless, and doesn’t know how to dress themselves, feeling pretty is a rare feat. I think that’s why I like Ren-faires. I might look silly, but I feel gorgeous. At faires I feel like a princess even if I’m dressed like a wench. I feel like I rule the world the way woman has always been meant to rule the world. People ask to take my picture at the faire a lot….that’s an ego boost too, even if I’m in the middle of gnawing on a greasy turkey leg. Feeling pretty, makes me happy. Going through all the work to get pretty does not make me feel happy.
Pirates—There’s just something about piracy that makes me happy. Not modern day piracy, but Golden Age piracy. There’s something about the whole time period that makes my heart flutter a bit. I suppose that’s why I like renaissance festivals so much. I like the mystery behind a pirate. The danger, the sex appeal. There’s something about the dark eyes of a pirate that I’ve been attracted to since I was too little to know that women were supposed to be attracted to that type of guy. There’s a line in Tombstone that’s used to describe Wyatt Earp.
“My dear, you've set your gaze upon the quintessential frontier type. Note the lean silhouette... eyes closed by the sun, though sharp as a hawk. He's got the look of both predator and prey.”
It might have been used to describe a frontier lawman, but it could also apply to a pirate. Pirates can make me go weak in the knees…as long as they’re the Captain Jack Sparrow/Calico Jack Rackham/Errol FLyn type pirate….not the Blackbeard/Blackbart/ fat, greasy, toothless pirate.
Sorry, I’m picky.
Charleston---Charleston, South Carolina is one of my all time favorite cities. The layering of history is magical. It’s almost as if you could walk into a different time period if you didn’t watch yourself. The sun, the flowers, the cobblestone streets and the old architecture are all amazing. I can see pictures of St. Phillip’s church, or St. Micheals or Tradd Street and I just grin. Talking about Charleston makes me smile. There’s something about that city that warms a part of my heart that doesn’t get used often.
Skiing--- The feeling at the end of a day of skiing is amazing. It’s like you’re torn in half. Part of you wants to keep going and never stop. You don’t want to admit your day is over. The other half (mostly your legs) want to go fall in a corner (preferably one with a hot tub) and die. Sitting on the chair lift in the silence and watching the wind sift through the pine trees, or watching someone else take a perfect line down an impossible slope is so relaxing.
The adrenaline rush you get as your ski tips hang over a ledge while you try to talk yourself into taking the dive….The thrill and the ease of a day on a mountain are at such odds and yet so perfect. Of course, there’s not much more in the world worth anything than a beer at the end of a hard day of skiing.
Boating--- Not really just boating, but sailing. This kind of goes back to the whole Pirate thing. I love tall ships. I got to sail on one when I was in high school. If I could have stayed and stowed away, I would have. I’ve never cried when I left a trip, but I did after three days aboard the Pilgrim of Newport. The smell of salt on the air and the feel of it on your skin was just perfect. You felt gritty and clean all at the same time. I had the best tan ever (after the burn faded) but it didn’t hurt. Laying in the net off the bowsprit was like getting rocked to sleep—or like flying. Climbing the rigging was exhilarating.
Getting to haul the sails up and knowing that when you were done and sailing that you were under way because of a hard days work. Then at night you could lay on the deck and stare at the stars in the darkest night sky you’ve ever seen. The stars are so bright at sea. Besides, what’s better than being 15 and driving a 210 foot ship around an island?
Sleep---Sleep makes me happy. I like sleeping, I really do. I don’t like the guilty feeling I get when I sleep through something. But I like being in bed and under my covers and comfy and warm. I like the feeling that the world is passing by and I’m safe and warm and comfortable. I like the sense of security that comes from being in bed. I guess it goes back to the feeling of being safe, warm and comfortable in the womb. I think I heard that in my psych class once…..
Cannon—Oh come on….the way your heart pounds in unison with a cannon being fired is epic. I love that feeling. I loved firing it. I loved being close to the gun. I liked the power of it. I’m sure there’s something sexual that could be said for this, but I don’t care. Even the sight of a static display gives me shivers, just knowing the destruction that a cannon could inflict is awesome. And on some sick and twisted level of my crazy little brain, I get a thrill out of it.
Rugby---Rugby, on the rare occasions when it’s drama free, makes me happy. I like being able to make a good, solid tackle, a nice pass, a good play. I like being with my friends on the weekend and I like feeling like I’ve done something good or useful. I like feeling muddy and dirty and a little sore the day after a rough practice or game. I like feeling strong. I like the community of rugby. Even though I might bitch about it sometimes, it still makes me happy, which is why, in spite of all the drama, I will continue to play.
Good beer—Good beer, not cheap yellow shit that all college students drink. I like something with a little body and color to it. I like my beers in the red and amber range, although I’ve been known to like my Guinness every now and then. A good beer makes the world right. I don’t drink good beer to lord it over others, but I like drinking new and different things and yet still being able to hold my own long into the night. Drinking liquor is like burning the candle at both ends. It ensures a short night and a long and painful hangover the next day. I can pack away a lot of beer, hold my own and not have a hangover the next day. Good beer, though it puts a big fucking dent in my check book makes me happy. It’s like pampering myself without the stress of the mall and people in my personal bubble.
Dogs—Dogs make me happy because there’s an element of unconditional love involved with a dog. They will always wag their tails when you come through the door, they will always be excited to see you and they will always sit with you and be there for you when you’re lonely. They can also help keep your feet warm on lonely nights or help anchor your side of the blanket when your bedmate decides to do the burrito roll. Dogs are playful and even when they’re mellow, they are a comforting presence.
Theater--I like going to the theater. I like getting away from reality. THere's something powerful about sitting in a dark room watching a play. I like musicals. THe music, even after you've left the theater, can touch something inside you and remind you of where you were and what you've seen. I like that.
Music-- the same thing as theater. Music has a power too. music can make us happy, sad, inspire us, commiserate with us. It can do a lot to change or heighten our moods. WHy do you think people talk about putting on mood music? And why are people so interested in what our favorite athletes have on their ipods? It's becuase music can move you.
See, I can be a happy person. It really doesn’t take much. But it doesn’t take much to bring me crashing back down to earth either. I’m sensitive to some things. Unfortunately I feel what others should feel. I feel shame acutely for some reason. It doesn’t take a lot for me to feel bad about myself or feel guilty for something I did. I embarrass super easy.
Oh well. I guess I just have to continue to think like Bilbo and keep the happy things on my mind no matter how bad the situation gets.
And maybe some day I’ll be living in Charleston with my dog and living on brand new jars of peanut butter aboard my pirate ship.
Maybe I need to stop smoking the stuff under the sink…..
